¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Disadvantages of Technology

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2022-05-16 515

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ariel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. 

>> Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes humans lazy. 

Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. 

>> CORRECT!

And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

>> In addition, when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119860 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 2
119859 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 640
119858 ¤¤ È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 723
119857 Homework for 06.14.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 1
119856 Why are tattoos a popular trend? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 1
119855 6.14 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 746
119854 Who do you think is the best president of your country and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-06-15 833
119853 6.14 Writing ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 744
119852 6/14... ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 914
119851 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 823
119850 What\'s the best movie. À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 1195
119849 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 2
119848 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 896
119847 Is it important to have hobbies? Why/why not? À±*±â ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 950
119846 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 586
119845 homework ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 657
119844 I think the food in our country is the best. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 887
119843 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 0
119842 What could be a reason why you are late for an appointment?... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 758
119841 What is your dream house and where do you want it to be? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-14 894

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04