¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Disadvantages of Technology

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2022-05-16 450

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ariel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. 

>> Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes humans lazy. 

Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. 

>> CORRECT!

And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

>> In addition, when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118949 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 426
118948 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 386
118947 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 562
118946 home work ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 494
118945 Is there something you wish you could do with your free time but... ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 0
118944 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 589
118943 How would your life change if you could do whatever you want? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 482
118942 Homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 2
118941 Cover letter ¿Â*³ª ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 569
118940 resume ¿Â*³ª ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 464
118939 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118938 Uniform ¿°*¿¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 7
118937 What do you do when you plan to visit a place for the first time? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118936 What gadget do you have that is not as useful as before? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 1
118935 If you can change something about the government of South Korea,... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-12 553
118934 Homework ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-11 0
118933 What kinds of friend qualities I like ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-11 462
118932 Bad manners what I hate. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-11 533
118931 Find a job À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-11 632
118930 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-11 682

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04