¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Disadvantages of Technology

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*°æ
2022-05-16 544

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Ariel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes human lazy. 

>> Technology makes our lives convenient but I think it makes humans lazy. 

Because we can do everything with our smartphones, we don't have go outside or move. 

>> CORRECT!

And when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

>> In addition, when we don't move and exercise, our body will become unhealthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117864 Do you collect anything? So when did you start collecting them?... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 771
117863 Which artists/bands do you want to see at a music festival? ÃÖ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 732
117862 What is the best restaurant in your town and what do they serve... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1058
117861 Tell me about a recent news you\'ve read or heard about. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 776
117860 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 910
117859 Do you like to eat fruits? What\'s your favorite one and why? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 0
117858 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 953
117857 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 3
117856 What do you think is the best TV show and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 840
117855 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 878
117854 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1
117853 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 763
117852 Things I collect. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 986
117851 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1101
117850 Do you prefer playing or watching sports? Why? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 997
117849 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1549
117848 Baby Shark ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1221
117847 How would you describe your personality? Are you happy with your... ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 694
117846 What are your favorite desserts? And why? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1136
117845 Tell me about the first time you went to the movie theater? ¼º*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-30 1208

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04