¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think getting old is a good thing or a bad thing? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*
2022-06-22 903

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

getting old is beautiful. it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. some other people think the age is privilege. however, it is totally wrong. when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. every people have different life, different thoughts. according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Lim!  

Yes, we gain more wisdom as we get older. :) 

PS: Make sure to capitalize the first letter of the first word in your sentence. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

getting old is beautiful. 
>> Getting old is beautiful. 

it means we be wise, be respectful person when we gets older. 
>> It means that we become wiser and respectable when we get older. 

some other people think the age is privilege. 
>> Some people think that age is a privilege. 

however, it is totally wrong. 
>> However, it is totally wrong. 

when we are getting older, we learnt things such as order, world, life, everything that surround us. 
>> When we are getting older, we learn more things about the world, life and things that surrounds us. 

thus we learn "respect" even whom children, baby. 
>> Thus, we should learn how to respect everyone, including the ones that are younger than us.

every people have different life, different thoughts. 
>> Every person has different lives and thoughts. 

according to the experiences that we had, now we know the life is beautiful and respectful not only my life.
>> According to the experiences that we had, we will know the beauty of life and be respectful towards other people's lives as well. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119370 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 553
119369 Life of rich and poor? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 505
119368 What are the important news in your country right now? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 676
119367 I use public transport every day. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 485
119366 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 586
119365 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 2
119364 Festival ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 660
119363 homework ÀÌ* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 588
119362 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 3
119361 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 638
119360 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 1
119359 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 676
119358 What is the biggest change most people experience in their lives? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 1
119357 5.26 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 515
119356 How well do you take care of your things? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 2
119355 What¡¯s the best hobby anyone could have? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 593
119354 What are the important news in your country right now? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-27 700
119353 Writing Task(May 26th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-05-26 435
119352 [Homework] Q. Do you try to make a different first impression... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-26 2
119351 5/26 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-26 648

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04