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영작교정 게시판

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서비스 입니다.

Do you think it is better to have children when you are older or younger?

작성자: 황*하
2022-06-24 1072

회원님의 영작문

I got married when I was 31 years old and had my son next year after marriage. I have a son and a daughter who are 11 and 8 years old respectively. They will gratuate school when I reach about 60 years old which would be hard to do physical exercise and might have health problem. If I had my children in my 20th, I would have more chance to travel many countries and enjoy my life by doing a lot of activities because I will still have a job, so I don't need to worry about money. Many people don't want to get married. Among the people who got married don't want to spend their time to bring up their children, We used to get marrid in early 20th in 1960s to 1970s but couples would like to get married as late as possible because the value of life has changed. The low birth rate is the most serious problem these days. It cause a lot of social problem such as the national pension, health insurance and comflicts between young and old people. To solve these problem, government has to support

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille


I got married when I was 31 years old and had my son next year after marriage. 
>> I got married when I was 31 years old and had my son the next year after marriage. 
I have a son and a daughter who are 11 and 8 years old respectively. 
>> CORRECT!
They will gratuate school when I reach about 60 years old which would be hard to do physical exercise and might have health problem. 
>> They will graduate school when I reach about 60 years old, the age which would be hard to do physical exercise and might have health problems. 
If I had my children in my 20th, I would have more chance to travel many countries and enjoy my life by doing a lot of activities because I will still have a job, so I don't need to worry about money. 
>> If I had my children in my 20's, I would have more chance to travel many countries and enjoy my life by doing a lot of activities because I will still have a job, so I don't need to worry about money. 
Many people don't want to get married. 
>> CORRECT!
Among the people who got married don't want to spend their time to bring up their children, 
>> Among the people who got married don't want to spend their time to bring up their children.
We used to get marrid in early 20th in 1960s to 1970s but couples would like to get married as late as possible because the value of life has changed. 
>> We used to get married at the age of 20 in 1960s to 1970s but couples would like to get married as late as possible because the value of life has changed. 
The low birth rate is the most serious problem these days. 
>> CORRECT!
It cause a lot of social problem such as the national pension, health insurance and comflicts between young and old people. 
>> It causes a lot of social problems such as the national pension, health insurance, and conflicts between young and old people. 
To solve these problem, government has to support
>> To solve these problem, the government has to give support to these people.
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