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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What is one thing you never done but would like to do?

작성자: 김*경
2022-06-28 966

회원님의 영작문

I have an old dream to travel around world with my family including my dad and mom at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family. Just thinking of my beloved family on a nice cruise ship makes me happy.
The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes me a lot of money and time to do it. As a salary worker, it is out of the question to take so many days off to travel around the world. And I can’t afford financially to get on a luxurious ship with 7 people for such a long period. However, I would like to achieve that dream someday.
If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.
Another dream that I want to achieve is that I run my own business after early retirement. I want to make as much money as I do on the contrary to the salary workers who get paid a set amount of money monthly. This dream can be possible after retirement that I have never done it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

This was a well-written essay, I enjoyed reading it. There are a few minor corrections and I hope you get to read it. I can relate to this Steve, it’s difficult to spend time with our families especially when we’re working, but I applaud your eagerness in wanting that for yourself. - Teacher Ivy

I have an old dream to travel around world with my family including my dad and mom at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family.

>> I have an old dream to travel around the world with my family including my dad and mom for at least over a month which is long enough for me to get away from everything and to focus on myself and my family.

Just thinking of my beloved family on a nice cruise ship makes me happy.

>> Correct
The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes me a lot of money and time to do it.

>> The reason why I haven't even challenged this dream is that it takes a lot of money and time to do it.

As a salary worker, it is out of the question to take so many days off to travel around the world.

>> Correct

And I can’t afford financially to get on a luxurious ship with 7 people for such a long period.

>> Correct

However, I would like to achieve that dream someday.

>> Correct
If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.

>> If I go on with that dream, I bet I can make that dream come true someday as a magic.
Another dream that I want to achieve is that I run my own business after early retirement.

>> Another dream that I want to achieve is to I run my own business after an early retirement.

I want to make as much money as I do on the contrary to the salary workers who get paid a set amount of money monthly.

>> Correct

This dream can be possible after retirement that I have never done it.

>> Correct 

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