¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: À±*¿ø
2022-06-30 1371

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi Se Won,
Thank you for answering your homework. You have good ideas but I suggest making your answer longer by elaborating and sharing more of your experiences when speaking and writing You can elaborate yourself and you can find words to use for your correct grammatical structures.  You can improve your writing by understanding model texts and how they're structured. I would recommend you keep a daily essay to practice your writing skills. Keep improving. ~ Teacher QUENNY..

¡¤ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.
>> Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy it / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.(CORRECT)
The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
>> Like everybody else, I like to stay healthy while also enjoying life at the same time. Playing sports like Soccer is what I enjoy and one of my favorite hobbies. I play Socer with my friends in Royale Park and I'll have healthy corps when I play sport. And playing Soccer improves my health because it lowers my body fat and improves my muscle tone. It also builds my strength and endurance that's why I enjoy playing Soccer with my friends to enjoy life and stay healthy. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Describe an activity that keeps you healthy while you enjoy / You should mention: What the activity is, Where you do the activity, Whom you do the activity with, and Why you think doing it is healthy.

The activity that keeps our healthy while we enjoy is playing sport. I play soccer in Royale parc with my firends. I'll have healthy corps when I play sport and we can enjoy while playing sport.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122132 How important is farming in your country? What do farmers do?... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-04 1
122131 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-04 1171
122130 The business ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 1
122129 What\'s one news headline or story which you can\'t forget? What... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 2323
122128 Compare the neighborhood in the province and the city. ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 1895
122127 If a book has been made into a movie, which do you prefer to do... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 1752
122126 9/2 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 2255
122125 What¡¯s the most important holiday in your country? Why do you... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 1
122124 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-03 1
122123 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1768
122122 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2169
122121 ielts speaking test À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1609
122120 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2
122119 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 5578
122118 homework ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 9
122117 What is the best movie you have ever seen? What is the story all... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2266
122116 How do you balance your work and personal life? Do you prefer a... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 3265
122115 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 2
122114 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 0
122113 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-02 1737

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04