¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What is one mistake you\'ve done that you don\'t want to happen anymore?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-07-02 354

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I used to take good care of others like giving side dishes, gift, anniversary and birthday. But I can say this is on my mistake. Also, I won't do that anymore. It's because whether to do it or not, the one who leaves will leave. So I will take care of the ones who keep staying around me. I've been living feeling, Don't strive to be a good person to the other people. Just I will do whatever I want without worrying about the people around me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Elic!  

Yes, self-love must come first. You have to know how to love yourself first before loving other people. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I used to take good care of others like giving side dishes, gift, anniversary and birthday. 
>> I used to take good care of others like giving side dishes and gift on special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries. 

But I can say this is on my mistake. 
>> But I can say that this is a mistake. 

Also, I won't do that anymore. 
>> CORRECT

It's because whether to do it or not, the one who leaves will leave. 
>> It's because whether I do it or not, people still leave me. 

So I will take care of the ones who keep staying around me. 
>> So I will take care of the ones who keep stays around me.

I've been living feeling, Don't strive to be a good person to the other people. 
>> I've been thinking that I shouldn't strive to be a good person for other people. 

Just I will do whatever I want without worrying about the people around me.
>> I will just do whatever I want to without worrying about the people around me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
136768 What ride do you like the most in an amusement park? N ¼Û*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136767 the city where I live is jeonsan N ±è*¹Î ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136766 homework N ÀÌ*¼÷ ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136765 Homework N ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 2
136764 urban N ¹Î*Á¤ ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136763 Do you love peace and quiet? Where do you go to feel that way? N ±è* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 0
136762 What do you think of ? N ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1
136761 How do you think the popularity of e-bikes will evolve in the... N ¹Ú*Àº ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136760 Can you describe your typical Wednesday? N ¹Ú*Àº ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136759 How do personal goals and career ambitions influence the choice... N ¹Ú*Àº ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136758 2024.04.26 ¼÷Á¦ N ¾ç*À² ÁøÇàÁß 2024-04-26 0
136757 Homework N ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 0
136756 Is the desert safe or dagerous to visit? N ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 0
136755 peace and quiet N ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 0
136754 homework N ±è*º° ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1
136753 Do you think Korean cuisine is healthier compare to other... N ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1
136752 Many families send their children to private institutes or... N À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1
136751 What would you do if there\'s an urgent situation at work and no... N ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 0
136750 homework N ÀÌ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 1
136749 Playing a claw machine game is the best way to relieve stress. N ÃÖ* ¿Ï·á 2024-04-26 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04