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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Do you think the health care system in your country offers high-quality service or not?

작성자: 문*현
2022-07-11 1050

회원님의 영작문

Compared to the other nations, I believe Korea offers a high-quality health care system backed by government funding. This universal, stable, and multi-disciplinary approach enables many to benefit from health care. In my perspective, this scheme is feasible from the pricing strategy. The price imposed on individuals would differ based on their income and ensures the sustainability of the service. Due to aging, the system would increase the burden on society. After retirement, there is no source of income to be considered as an insurance payout. Most retirees benefit from the amount paid by current taxpayers. Indeed, there are private insurances. However, qualification requirements become stricter as people age. Accordingly, many retirees rely on a national health insurance scheme if they have not registered for a long time. There is a consequent debate to increase the cost for more sustainability. With a high-quality healthcare system, Korean society needs to consider feasibility.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel. Keep it coming! :D

Compared to the other nations, I believe Korea offers a high-quality health care system backed by government funding. 
>>> correct
>>> OR:  Compared to other nations, I believe Korea offers a high-quality health care system which is funded by the government.  
This universal, stable, and multi-disciplinary approach enables many to benefit from health care. 
>>> correct  
In my perspective, this scheme is feasible from the pricing strategy. 
>>> correct
>>> OR: In my perspective, this scheme is feasible due to the pricing strategy.    
The price imposed on individuals would differ based on their income and ensures the sustainability of the service. 
>>>correct   
Due to aging, the system would increase the burden on society. 
>>>correct   
After retirement, there is no source of income to be considered as an insurance payout. 
>>> correct  
Most retirees benefit from the amount paid by current taxpayers. 
>>>  correct 
Indeed, there are private insurances. 
>>> correct  
However, qualification requirements become stricter as people age. 
>>>correct   
Accordingly, many retirees rely on a national health insurance scheme if they have not registered for a long time. 
>>> correct   
There is a consequent debate to increase the cost for more sustainability. 
>>> correct 
With a high-quality healthcare system, Korean society needs to consider feasibility.
>>> correct  

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