¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

SUMMER

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*¿ø
2022-07-12 1985

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We really need air conditioner to survive during the summer. Because It's not only hot also soggy in Korea. We can't survive to just get a fan. Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC strongly even though It's freezing than endure high temperature. Because, we just have to put on some outer. So, we almost have the AC and fan at every single home and company.
And, we go to Water park, Beach, or Vallry. I went to the cafe last weekend, and turned out It's near the valley. So, I could see around sightseeing and the people playing and swimming in the valley. Honestly, I just work and go back home and do same things everyday, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. But, I felt the summer vibe at this day. after that, I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan to summer holiday. I can't wait to enjoy my holiday!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Hui Won. Here's my correction to your essay. Thank you for your thoughts about the issue. ^_^
T. Irene
We really need air conditioner to survive during the summer. Because It's not only hot also soggy in Korea. 
>>> We really need air conditioners to survive the summer heat in Korea. It's also humid. 
We can't survive to just get a fan. 
>>> We can't survive by just using a fan. 
Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC strongly even though It's freezing than endure high temperature. Because, we just have to put on some outer. 
>>> Usually, we think that it's better to turn on the AC at a freezing temperature than endure a high temperature because we just have to put on warm clothes. 
So, we almost have the AC and fan at every single home and company.
>>> So, most homes and company buildings have both AC and fans. 
And, we go to Water park, Beach, or Vallry. 
>>> We also go to water parks, beaches and valleys. 
I went to the cafe last weekend, and turned out It's near the valley. 
>>> I went to a cafe last weekend and turned out to be near the valley. 
So, I could see around sightseeing and the people playing and swimming in the valley. 
>>> So I see people sigthseeing and swimming in the valley. 
Honestly, I just work and go back home and do same things everyday, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. 
>>> Honestly, I just work and go back home, doing the same things every day, so, I can't feel the summer vibe. 
But, I felt the summer vibe at this day. after that, I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan to summer holiday. 
>>> But, I felt the summer vibe today. I wanted to go out somewhere and I'm going to make a plan for the summer holiday. 
I can't wait to enjoy my holiday!
>>> Correct. 



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123307 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123306 Do you think the weather affects how we feel? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2459
123305 Name some of the tourist attractions in your city. Tell me more... ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2981
123304 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 0
123303 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 0
123302 What factors may result in the breakdown of a good friendship? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2103
123301 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2360
123300 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 1
123299 Decision ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 1
123298 . ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 1843
123297 What type of painting do you do? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2514
123296 10.28.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123295 What do you think is the best costume for Halloween? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 1
123294 What do you think of celebrities who get plastic surgery? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123293 Are cosmetics only for women? What do you think of cosmetics for... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123292 Do you ever cook for other people? Who do you cook for? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123291 Have you ever burnt something in the kitchen? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-31 2
123290 10/24 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-10-30 3599
123289 Do you like taking vitamins or supplements? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-30 4430
123288 Are you a helpful person? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-30 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04