¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

This is my academy writing homework. Could you please check only Grammer & Spelling? ^_^

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À²
2022-07-15 687

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

This is my academy writing homework. Could you please check only Grammer & Spelling?



I believe it is more important to try to be yourself. If you are popular, you might be in the embrace of a crowd's worshipness instantly. It might make you stuggle. Sure, there would be some who encouages you but most of the comments will be rude ooohs and aaahs, You'll waste precious time putting on makeup. Patience is also a problem too. 'Cause when you can dance any dance you want, you will be practicing the crowd's favorite dance! It will feel like being the slave of the crowd. As the result, you'll "dance-fall-get hurt- wait for the injury to heal-dance-fall-get hurt-wait for the injury to heal-dance....". Just think about it! Waiting every time. And in my opinion, applausing hurts my ears. Alas, last but not least, you cannot concentrate because of the thought of how to make fans happy (even when you dont want to). So I agree that being yourself is more better that being popular.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Heather! I understand. I will check your grammar and spelling. Keep up the good work! ~ T. Lyn 
I believe it is more important to try to be yourself. 
>>Correct.
If you are popular, you might be in the embrace of a crowd's worshipness instantly.
>>If you are popular, people would embrace and admire you instantly.
It might make you stuggle. 
>>This can cause you to struggle.
Sure, there would be some who encouages you but most of the comments will be rude ooohs and aaahs, 
>>Sure, there would be some who encourage you but most of the comments will be rude such as "ooohs" and "aaahs." 
You'll waste precious time putting on makeup.
>>Correct.
Patience is also a problem too.
>>Patience is a problem, too.
'Cause when you can dance any dance you want, you will be practicing the crowd's favorite dance!
>>If you can dance to any songs, you will be forced to keep on dancing to please the crowd.
It will feel like being the slave of the crowd.
>>You would feel like the slave of the crowd.
As the result, you'll "dance-fall-get hurt- wait for the injury to heal-dance-fall-get hurt-wait for the injury to heal-dance....".
>>As a result, you will "dance-fall-get hurt, then wait for the injury to heal and experience the same process again.
Just think about it! Waiting every time. And in my opinion, applausing hurts my ears.
>>Just think about it! You need to wait every time. And in my opinion, people's applause hurts my ears.
Alas, last but not least, you cannot concentrate because of the thought of how to make fans happy (even when you dont want to). 
>Last but not least, even if you can not concentrate because you are distracted by about thinking how to make your fans happy (even when you don't want to).
So I agree that being yourself is more better that being popular.
>>So, I agree that being yourself is much better than being popular.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120529 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 952
120528 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1
120527 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1172
120526 My hometown ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1
120525 Class review. (I really thank you about your teaching!) À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1
120524 writing homework and practice Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 6
120523 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 759
120522 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 2
120521 What do you do to improve or maintain your appearance? ÀÌ*¸í ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 3
120520 Do you like visiting the library? / Where is your favorite place... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1
120519 the use of mobile phones in public ³ë*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 2
120518 How often do you eat out? / How much do you usually pay when you... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1
120517 Which is better, to go shopping on weekdays or on weekends? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 1246
120516 Should children have curfew? Why or why not? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 0
120515 Do you interrupt your study activities or do all the homework at... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 824
120514 What thing do you have right now that you are renting? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 4
120513 If you can renovate something in your house, what would it be... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-07 808
120512 Today\'s homework. ±è*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 1023
120511 7/6 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 1066
120510 If you can renovate something in your house, what would it be... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-06 887

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04