¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that religion is important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-07-19 812

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, religion is important.
Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, religion is important.
>> CORRECT

Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
>> Whether there is a God or not, if we have a religion, we can get a lot of benefits if we believe in a God. 

If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
>> CORRECT

And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
>> And we can feel relaxed by praying to a God or even thinking about the religion itself. 

Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121953 Do you think that a man and a woman can have a friendship... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 2
121952 If you were to call for a company meeting, how would you do it? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1581
121951 What do you need to think about before renting a place to live? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1608
121950 8/26 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1775
121949 How do you describe your neighborhood? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 2315
121948 What I do when I have some annoying thing. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1435
121947 Where I will live when I am old. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1515
121946 My presents. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1106
121945 The reason why I study English. ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 3
121944 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1727
121943 What topics are taboos in your culture? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1
121942 GOAL À±*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 0
121941 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1
121940 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-28 1692
121939 War Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 2
121938 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 917
121937 Please describe the area around your neighborhood ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 2012
121936 How important is English for you in your job or future? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 1
121935 Abortion Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 2
121934 Bothering ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-27 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04