¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that religion is important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-07-19 900

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, religion is important.
Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, religion is important.
>> CORRECT

Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
>> Whether there is a God or not, if we have a religion, we can get a lot of benefits if we believe in a God. 

If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
>> CORRECT

And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
>> And we can feel relaxed by praying to a God or even thinking about the religion itself. 

Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120779 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 696
120778 Why don¡¯t parents do enough to stop their children from... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 645
120777 Have you ever introduced yourself to a stranger in public? Why?... Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 2
120776 Restaurant cater Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 1
120775 What food would you always like to buy for your family? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 1065
120774 What advice would you give to someone with mental health issues? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 2977
120773 Do you believe you can be better at speaking English? How? ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 2039
120772 Is cloning good or bad? Why or why not? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 1
120771 What are some things people can do to keep healthy? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 974
120770 If your life was a movie, what would it be and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-15 935
120769 7/14 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 864
120768 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 741
120767 What is the most common kind of crime in South Korea? What... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 807
120766 Why do you think people are so fascinated with aliens? ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1310
120765 tattoo ±è*¿± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 746
120764 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 919
120763 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 914
120762 Homework for 07.14.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1
120761 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 4
120760 Name one skill or hobby that you\'d like to learn. ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 658

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04