¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that religion is important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-07-19 1067

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, religion is important.
Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In my opinion, religion is important.
>> CORRECT

Whether there is a god or not, if we have a religion, then we can get a lot of benefits by believing a god.
>> Whether there is a God or not, if we have a religion, we can get a lot of benefits if we believe in a God. 

If we have a religion, then we can grow our abilities to trust each other.
>> CORRECT

And also we can be relaxed by praying to the god or even thinking about our religions.
>> And we can feel relaxed by praying to a God or even thinking about the religion itself. 

Because of these benefits, I think religions are important.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
119666 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 655
119665 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 634
119664 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119663 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 524
119662 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 697
119661 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 752
119660 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 831
119659 Expensive gift ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 662
119658 About season ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 2
119657 homewokr ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 590
119656 homework ¿ø*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 742
119655 Do you think that you should change your eating habits? Why or... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 645
119654 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 529
119653 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 633
119652 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 829
119651 What are some superstitions in your country? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 807
119650 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 0
119649 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 1
119648 Is there a food that you will never eat? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 824
119647 Why do you think space renovations are necessary? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-06-07 746

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04