¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is religion important?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*¿µ
2022-07-20 682

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think everyone thinks different that religion is important. Because there are many people who go to meeting because they believe religion but there are many people who do not believe religion. So I think there is people who think religion is important and people who think it is not important will be divided.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Chloe! :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I think everyone thinks different that religion is important.
>> I think everyone thinks differently regarding whether religion is important or not. 

Because there are many people who go to meeting because they believe religion but there are many people who do not believe religion. 
>> It is because there are many people who believe in it and there are some that don't. 

So I think there is people who think religion is important and people who think it is not important will be divided.
>> So I think there are some people who think that religion is important and some of them don't. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120832 even ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 748
120831 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 3
120830 What would life be like without weekends? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 2
120829 The Internet Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 1
120828 Health ³ë*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 636
120827 Do you like visiting the library? / Where is your favorite place... ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 1
120826 Which city has the most delicious food in your country? ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 699
120825 Does social media improve people¡¯s communication skills? Why or... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 0
120824 What have you learned from past failures? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-07-18 1390
120823 Tell me what you do in your part-time job. ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 1265
120822 What is the best present you have ever received? ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 1036
120821 07.15.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 1
120820 What do you think is the most dangerous animal? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 774
120819 What facts my school have. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 789
120818 Why I don\'t want to try raising animals. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 868
120817 What I like of my favorite subject ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 832
120816 Did you interview people before? How was the experience? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 3
120815 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 896
120814 How can travelling be an educational experience? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 2
120813 Why do you think many people love to travel? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-17 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04