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영작교정 게시판

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Why do people become criminals? What are the causes of crime? Are some people born bad or do they be

작성자: 권*원
2022-07-20 924

회원님의 영작문

I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth.
The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime.
On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. It was proved by many kinds of research.
Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job.
Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries.
For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime.
They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university.
These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes.
Nobody was bad when they were born. Their personality is the result of their environments.
That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Well done, Jiwon. I only had a few suggestions and minor mistakes but other than those, it was very well thought out and given a lot of effort. Keep it coming! I'm already looking forward to the next one. ~Teacher Jane c", 


I always think that environment has an impact on people's growth. 
>> CORRECT =) 

The people being loved by their parents a lot have a low possibility to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR>> The people who received a lot of love from their parents have a low possibility to commit a crime. 

On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents have a high possibility to commit a crime. 
>> On the other hand, the people who are kicked out of their parents' homes have a high possibility to commit a crime. 

It was proved by many kinds of research. 
>> CORRECT =) 

Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 
OR>> Especially, if the people are juveniles yet, the possibility to commit a crime will increase because they can't get a job. 

Of course, they can do a part-time job, but they will get low salaries. 
>> CORRECT =) 

For these reasons, juveniles start to commit a crime. 
>> CORRECT =) 

They can't get education properly, so they might not enter a university. 
>> They can not get a proper education so they might not enter university. 

These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except crimes. 
>> These people can become criminals even if they become adults because they can't do anything except commit crimes. 

Nobody was bad when they were born. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> Nobody was born bad. 

Their personality is the result of their environments. 
>> CORRECT =) 

That's why I claimed that the death penalty system should be executed because we should use our taxes for poor juveniles, not for criminals.
>> CORRECT =) 

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