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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

How different would your life be if there were no Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram?

작성자: 권*원
2022-07-27 855

회원님의 영작문

Social media has a big impact on our lives.
There are both advantages and disadvantages to it.
The most advantage is that we can communicate with other people continually using it.
In the past, many people can't contact classmates after graduating from their schools because they forget to contact them or they don't know what they say in their messages.
But now, we can easily contact other people after looking at their Instafeed.
We can share our life routines through Instagram, so it makes us feel together.
On the other hand, a disadvantage of it is that we can feel frustrated compared with other people. Especially in Korea, many people only upload luxurious things on their social media.
I deleted all of my social media once because I hated myself jealous of other people.
Comparing other people is to make people feel depressed.
So, If there were no social media, I wouldn't have a bad habit compared with others.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Jiwon. Thank you for accomplishing your homework once again :) I'm glad you mentioned the negative effects of social media. I think most people, including me, have gone through the same horrifying experience of comparing ourselves with other people who seem to have a perfect life even if in reality it isn't. No matter how horrible it was, it could still end up as a positive experience by learning from it and seeing our lives in a positive light. Have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow. ~Jane c", 

Social media has a big impact on our lives. 
>> CORRECT =) 

There are both advantages and disadvantages to it. 
>> CORRECT =) 

The most advantage is that we can communicate with other people continually using it. 
>> The most/biggest advantage is that we can communicate with other people continually while using it. 

In the past, many people can't contact classmates after graduating from their schools because they forget to contact them or they don't know what they say in their messages. 
>> In the past, many people can't contact classmates after graduating from their schools because they forgot to contact them or they don't know what they would say in their messages. 

But now, we can easily contact other people after looking at their Instafeed. 
>> CORRECT =) 

We can share our life routines through Instagram, so it makes us feel together. 
>> CORRECT =) 
OR >> We can share our life routines through Instagram so it makes us feel closer.  

On the other hand, a disadvantage of it is that we can feel frustrated compared with other people. 
>> On the other hand, a disadvantage of it is that we can feel frustrated as we compare ourselves to other people. 

Especially in Korea, many people only upload luxurious things on their social media. 
>> CORRECT =) 

I deleted all of my social media once because I hated myself jealous of other people. 
>> I deleted all of my social media once because I hated myself for being jealous of other people. 

Comparing other people is to make people feel depressed. 
>> People comparing themselves to others make them feel depressed. 

So, If there were no social media, I wouldn't have a bad habit compared with others.
>> So, If there were no social media, I wouldn't have a bad habit of comparing myself to others.

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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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