¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most common crime in your country?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*¿ø
2022-08-02 1866

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

What do you think is the most common crime in your country? Why?

The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. Most criminals¡¯ target are women. The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. But someone think it is inhumane. But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Harry!
Thank you for writing this beautiful essay. 
I loved reading your opinions in relation to the question. 
I also agree that death penalty should be reinstated because it has a stronger impact on criminals. 
Anyhow, I hope you're doing great. See you in class tomorrow. ^^
~Teacher Charry :)



The most common crime in Korea is sexual assault. 
>> CORRECT!
Most criminals¡¯ target are women. 
>> CORRECT!
The reason why this crimes don¡¯t decrease is low-level government punishment. 
>> The reason why this crime doesn't decrease is because of the light punishment the government gives. 
So I think the intensity of the sentence should be strengthened in Korea. 
>> CORRECT!
OR >> So I think heavier punishment should be given in Korea. 
Also ¡®Death Penalty¡¯ is need for criminals. 
>> Also, ¡®death penalty¡¯ is necessary for criminals. 
If it comes back to South Korea, the crimes will be strikely decreased. 
>> When reinstated in South Korea, the crimes will strikingly decrease. 
But someone think it is inhumane. 
>> But some people think it's inhumane. 
But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than for innocent people.
>> But in my opinion, it is much better for criminals to get hurt than innocent people.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120998 Among those you are not related to, who has helped you most in... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 705
120997 Are men better chefs than women or are women better chefs than... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 590
120996 What is your best school memory and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 646
120995 Why do you think students get bad grades? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 757
120994 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 635
120993 I don¡¯t want to sleep in the jungle. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 876
120992 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 1015
120991 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 0
120990 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 882
120989 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 656
120988 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 2
120987 How Has Your Experience Prepared You for This Role or position? À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 889
120986 About being organized. ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 1
120985 How can the nutrients in dairy foods improve the body¡¯s ability... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 942
120984 Sleeping Patterns Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 1
120983 homewokr Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 979
120982 Do you think diets are useful or not? Àü*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 3
120981 Tell me the most important lesson that your parents taught you? ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 739
120980 Describe a stressful experience ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 2
120979 working with other people ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-22 765

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04