¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What have you experienced as the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-11 1054

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This is awesome, Cleo! I am really impressed! Please apply the corrections in your essay next time to make it formal. For example, avoid the use of contractions. Turn 'don't' to 'do not'. Use 'did not' instead of 'didn't'. -Faith-
When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
>> CORRECT
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
>> My previous job did not have cooperation.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
>> CORRECT
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
>> First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from my team members, and I do not have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, 
>> In fact, I dealt with all my work problems by myself and could not share them with others.
I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
>> I could not ask questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. 
>> CORRECT
I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
>> I could not even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
>> However, there are advantages of this kind of work, too.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
>> CORRECT
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
>> In addition, I did not have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
>> In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I was not prevented by others who failed to meet a deadline.
OR Specifically, I could finish my work on time because others would not get in a way of meeting my deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123677 What is the dirtiest job you could think of? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-19 2467
123676 Is it always necessary for a married couple to have kids? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-19 2053
123675 What are the advantages and disadvantages of taking exams? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-19 12
123674 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using the internet? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-19 7
123673 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-19 2666
123672 My parents and me ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2505
123671 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2
123670 What are some of the most important customs of your country? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2067
123669 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 1789
123668 What do you think is an appropriate punishment for... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2910
123667 What are the classic video games that you grew up with? Can you... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2440
123666 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 0
123665 The reason that we should choose friends wisely ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 0
123664 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 0
123663 What are three good things about America in your opinion? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2582
123662 What is your opinion about the banning of standing passengers on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2556
123661 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2084
123660 I think the appropriate punishment for cyber-bullying ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2698
123659 Do you think donating blood should be well-paid or always be... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2776
123658 What kind of food do you like? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 1871

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04