¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What have you experienced as the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±Ç*¿ø
2022-08-11 1026

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

This is awesome, Cleo! I am really impressed! Please apply the corrections in your essay next time to make it formal. For example, avoid the use of contractions. Turn 'don't' to 'do not'. Use 'did not' instead of 'didn't'. -Faith-
When I worked for a Japanese bank, the atmosphere was quite different from Korean companies.
>> CORRECT
My previous job didn't have cooperation work.
>> My previous job did not have cooperation.
Through this job, I got to realize the benefits or detriments of being in unity with others.
>> CORRECT
First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from team members, and I don't have to take the blame for a mistake.
>> First, the biggest benefit of being in unity is that I can learn from my team members, and I do not have to take the blame for a mistake.
Because I dealt with all problems by myself and didn't share my jobs with others, 
>> In fact, I dealt with all my work problems by myself and could not share them with others.
I couldn't have questions about what I was struggling with.
>> I could not ask questions about what I was struggling with.
Furthermore, all mistakes I made were my shares. 
>> CORRECT
I couldn't even make an excuse for my mistakes.
>> I could not even make an excuse for my mistakes.
However, there are advantages of this kind of work, as well.
>> However, there are advantages of this kind of work, too.
I could have freedom without hesitation from my seniors.
>> CORRECT
In addition, I didn't have to take part in meet-ups.
>> In addition, I did not have to take part in meet-ups.
In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I ain't be prevented from others who failed to meet a deadline.
>> In other words, I could finish my work fast when I worked hard because I was not prevented by others who failed to meet a deadline.
OR Specifically, I could finish my work on time because others would not get in a way of meeting my deadline.
In conclusion, being in unity with others has both advantages and disadvantages.
>> CORRECT

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123185 What would you like to add in your fitness journey? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-25 1
123184 emotional intelligent ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2215
123183 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 3342
123182 What kinds of jobs interest you most and least? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2039
123181 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2218
123180 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2597
123179 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2
123178 When do you need your family most? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 3062
123177 What kind of games do you like? ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 5
123176 What is emotional intelligence? How emotionally intelligent are... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2776
123175 H0mework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 3517
123174 Choose a novel and write something about it. ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2964
123173 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 1
123172 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 0
123171 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2940
123170 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 1
123169 Complete the sentences below with one of the following words: ½Å*°ü ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 1
123168 Traveling ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2
123167 What is the funniest book you have ever read? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-24 2
123166 How does alcohol change your behavior, personality, and face? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-10-23 2241

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04