¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some reasons why privacy is important for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*Áø
2022-08-15 1176

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Rachel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. 

>> For me, I think it's a necessity to have some secrets that I can't tell anyone. 

It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. 

>> It makes people feel pressured to tell all of their secrets to others. 

Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

>> Also, some sense of distance is a necessity for the relationship as well.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123843 What do you think the top five most watched sports are in the... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2
123842 Homework (11/21) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 6
123841 In your opinion, is it a good idea to chat with strangers or... ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2
123840 Homework (11/28) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 16
123839 HOMEWORK: Who did you most admire as a child? Discuss in 3 to 5... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 5
123838 HOMEWORK: What affects your levels of happiness? Does your... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 5
123837 HOMEWORK: Do you ever shop on the internet? What is your opinion... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 4
123836 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 0
123835 Homework(11/18) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 6
123834 When was the last time you got sick this year? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1
123833 Do you agree that Apple and Google should both be penalized due... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1975
123832 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1874
123831 Very thanks Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 0
123830 obesity ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2254
123829 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1
123828 Images ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1
123827 My migraine ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1
123826 writing about punishment ±è*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2011
123825 25.Nov.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 2
123824 What would it be like to live in a house on the beach? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04