¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some reasons why privacy is important for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*Áø
2022-08-15 1097

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Rachel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. 

>> For me, I think it's a necessity to have some secrets that I can't tell anyone. 

It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. 

>> It makes people feel pressured to tell all of their secrets to others. 

Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

>> Also, some sense of distance is a necessity for the relationship as well.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121489 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 961
121488 What is the strangest food you have ever tried? Describe it for... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 873
121487 Why is swimming your favorite sport? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1102
121486 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1244
121485 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1193
121484 Can you think of a fairytale that had happened or may happen in... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1161
121483 If you could be another man or woman for a day, who could you... ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1213
121482 About what a natural disaster is. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1204
121481 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1
121480 What makes a book stay a nicer place to stay in compared to... ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1311
121479 Class review À¯*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 2
121478 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1405
121477 During inflation or stagflation, which do you think is better or... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 995
121476 My hometown ±è*°â ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1179
121475 What kind of public transport do you wish your country would... ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1322
121474 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 0
121473 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1613
121472 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1199
121471 Aside from the USA, which country do you want to pursue your... ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1
121470 homework À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-10 1074

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04