¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are some reasons why privacy is important for you?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹é*Áø
2022-08-15 987

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Rachel!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


For me, I think it's necessity to have some secrets that can't tell anyone. 

>> For me, I think it's a necessity to have some secrets that I can't tell anyone. 

It makes each other feel pressured that telling all of the secrets to others. 

>> It makes people feel pressured to tell all of their secrets to others. 

Also, some sense of distance is necessity for the relationship as well.

>> Also, some sense of distance is a necessity for the relationship as well.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120740 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1070
120739 Interracial people Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1
120738 Obesity like other diseases, impairs the normal functioning of... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1024
120737 What do you do when you feel suffocated? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 820
120736 What is the best way to help a friend or relative who is an... ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1
120735 What is the most common kind of crime in South Korea? What... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-14 1249
120734 Have you ordered food in English? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 899
120733 gadgets ¼­*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 911
120732 7/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 906
120731 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 819
120730 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1342
120729 . ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 729
120728 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1
120727 Do you usually watch movies at the theater or watch them at home? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 625
120726 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1008
120725 What is the most difficult thing about learning English? ±Ç*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1055
120724 What is your message for your children? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 2
120723 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1069
120722 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 828
120721 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-13 1055

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04