¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the ways to prevent health problems?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Çö
2022-08-25 2390

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are three crucial things to take care of. First is your sleeping time. Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. Second, you should keep yourself clean. Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Olivia!

Thank you for doing your homework. :)

I understand that English could be really difficult.

But it only takes faith and confidence in yourself to perfect it.

You are a smart person and I know that with constant practice you will do great¡¦ ^_^

Xoxo,

T. Christina ^^

Here are my corrections for you:


I think there are three crucial things to take care of. 

>> I think there are three crucial things to think about. 

First is your sleeping time. 

>>CORRECT!


Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but too short sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also be an error. 

>>Too much sleep can make you feel even more tired and lazy, but less sleep makes your brain stop thinking and your immune system could also go down. 


7-8 hours of sleep every day is the ideal time for sleeping. 

>> CORRECT!


Second, you should keep yourself clean. 

>> CORRECT!


Wash your hand frequently, and take a shower every day. 

>> Wash your hands frequently and take a shower every day. 


Don't forget to brush your teeth after having a meal. 

>> CORRECT!


Thirdly, you should take care of your balanced diet. 

>> Thirdly, you should have a balanced diet. 


Eating healthy foods is also very important for your immune system. 

>> CORRECT!


Try to have a meal at a fixed time every day.

>> CORRECT!

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
120578 What language do you think is the most difficult to learn? ÇÑ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1374
120577 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1373
120576 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 3
120575 Homework ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1090
120574 What are the good things and bad things about today¡¯s youth?... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1286
120573 Where do you think is the best vacation place for you? Why? ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 869
120572 Why do we need to have contests or competitions? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 944
120571 Have you tried eating exotic food before? If yes, what is it? If... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1050
120570 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 946
120569 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1
120568 The youth of today are no different from the youth of past. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1642
120567 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 0
120566 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1113
120565 When can homework be counterproductive? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1382
120564 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1239
120563 Q È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 0
120562 The common fears in dating Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 2
120561 Do you think you can be a role model? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 3218
120560 [Homework] Q. What are the disadvantages of watching sports at... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1
120559 Have you tried eating exotic food before? If yes, what is it? If... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-07-08 1058

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04