¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework: Compare the time you spend with your family when you were young and now that you¡¯ve grown

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-01 1499

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Homework:
Compare the time you spend with your family when you were young and now that you¡¯ve grown up. Use at least 3 to 4 short paragraphs.



When I was young, I used to play soccer with my family. while doing it, I thought that my father is the most talented soccer player. But for now, My father is out of stamina, we don't play soccer anymore.

Instead of it, After I've become grown-up. we sometimes go to watch movies, chewing popcorn or grilled squid. It is a little bit expensive, but sometimes, we're deserve to be luxury.

If I've learned something from it, No matter what to do with, but the important thing is, We're having a good time together.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Great sentence construction Jason! I understood what you were pointing out. Your ideas were clear and you were able to express yourself well. Please do remember that when you are starting a new sentence, start it with a capital letter. Please review the corrections here as well. Thank you very much! :)


When I was young, I used to play soccer with my family.
>> Correct.
while doing it, I thought that my father is the most talented soccer player.
>> That time, I thought that my father was the most talented soccer player.
But for now, My father is out of stamina, we don't play soccer anymore.
>> But now, my father is out of stamina, we don't play soccer anymore.
Instead of it, After I've become grown-up. we sometimes go to watch movies, chewing popcorn or grilled squid.
>> Now that I've grown up instead of playing soccer, we sometimes watch movies and eat popcorn or grilled squid.
It is a little bit expensive, but sometimes, we're deserve to be luxury.
>> It's a little bit expensive but we all deserve to be luxurious sometimes.
If I've learned something from it, No matter what to do with, but the important thing is, We're having a good time together.
>> I've learned that it doesn't matter what I am doing, the important thing is that I have a good time and enjoy it.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122049 homework ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1362
122048 What disease frightens you the most? Why? What do you do to stay... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1691
122047 Which country would you most like to visit someday? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 3069
122046 What usually makes people confident? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2035
122045 Is there a celebrity whom you admire for their lifestyle? What... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1942
122044 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 0
122043 08.31.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2
122042 Has your hometown changed a lot since you were a kid? If so,... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2852
122041 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2771
122040 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1994
122039 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1477
122038 Hi Jhozel ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1
122037 A good skin ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2
122036 How often do you go shopping? ¹Ú*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1525
122035 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1
122034 Caleb\'s homework for 31 Aug 2022 ±Ç*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1676
122033 Homework ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1098
122032 diet ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1590
122031 If you could be reborn as an animal, what would you choose: to... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 1246
122030 Aside from Information Technology, what are your other interests? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-08-31 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04