¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿í
2022-09-26 2323

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My favorite possession is Pooh doll. It has been with me since I was 6 years old. Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents. It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room. up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello Jason. Please review my corrections carefully. Try to take notes of the corrections which you have noticed from them. Again, thank you and have a great day ahead! :)

- Teacher Raven 


My favorite possession is Pooh doll.
>> Correct. OR My favorite possession is my Pooh doll.
It has been with me since I was 6 years old.
>> Correct.
Over 20 years have passed. So there is an unbreakable bond between us.
>> Over 20 years have passed, and now there is an unbreakable bond between us.
I got this doll as an 6th birthday present from my parents.
>> I got this doll as a present from my parents on my 6th birthday.
It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, and after going to army, he solely protected my room.
>> It sometimes reminds me of my childhood, my school life, my days in the army, he solely protected my room.
up to now, it was always with me. And it will always with me.
>> Up until now, it's still with me and will always be with me.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
118884 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 747
118883 [Homework] What kind of improvement would you like to see in... ÃÖ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 624
118882 My best vacation ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 8
118881 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 771
118880 Do you get along well with your family? How? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 787
118879 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 2
118878 Maybe ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 4
118877 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 2
118876 Should poor people be punished for stealing if they are stealing... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 453
118875 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 502
118874 homework ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 537
118873 home work ÃÖ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 519
118872 Banning Serving Fast Food To Students ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 645
118871 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 533
118870 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 1
118869 Which State in America do you really like to live in, and why? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 1
118868 If you can have a part-time job, what do you like it to be? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 2
118867 my busiest day of week ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 465
118866 Should poor people be punished for stealing if they are stealing... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 592
118865 What is your all-time favorite movie? Why? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-05-10 667

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04