¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Hi Gemmar

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Áø
2022-09-27 4476

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

ESSAY: Nowadays, people are spending more time away from their homes because they spend longer in their workplace. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

My friends also spend more time away from her home because her workplace is far from her home.
She has to spend 3 hours on the road every week day.
She wakes up 6 AM and comes back home at 8PM normally.
She stays at home only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home just few hours)
In korea overtime working is prohibited by labor law therefore, people spend times for themselves after work.
In my case ,
I like staying and having a good time at home.
When my friends want to have a dinner with me, I used to invite them to my place instead of going out.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there! How's your afternoon going? Anyway, I feel so exhausted that I didn't actually do a lot of things! Hahaha! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
My friends also spend more time away from her home because her workplace is far from her home.
>>>CORRECT
She has to spend 3 hours on the road every week day.
>>>CORRECT
OR>>> She has to spend 3 hours on the road on week days.
She wakes up at 6 AM and comes back home at 8PM normally.
>>>CORRECT
She stays at home only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home just few hours)
>>>She stays at home for only 10 hours a day.( when I think of her sleeping time, she stays at home for just few hours.)
In korea overtime working is prohibited by labor law therefore, people spend times for themselves after work.
>>> In Koreaworking overtime is prohibited by the labor law therefore, people spend a time for themselves after work.
In my case, I like staying and having a good time at home.
>>>CORRECT
When my friends want to have a dinner with me, I used to invite them to my place instead of going out.
>>>CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
121421 Talk about successful people you look up to, tell something... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1054
121420 Homework ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1475
121419 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1229
121418 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1425
121417 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 0
121416 Have you ever given a false excuse to get out of something you... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1266
121415 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 2
121414 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1144
121413 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 3
121412 My hope ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1
121411 Diary ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 2
121410 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 0
121409 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1519
121408 Hi Gemmar ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1116
121407 Are parties or gatherings better in people¡¯s houses or in party... ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1365
121406 Why do you think people started leaving the rural areas and... ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1759
121405 Tell me about your worst travel experience. ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1468
121404 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1
121403 How can Korean students prevent stress from all the pressure in... ¹é*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1010
121402 shopping and travel ¹Ú*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2022-08-08 1054

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04