¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think of cosmetic surgery?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Àü*ä
2022-10-04 2974

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
I tried double eyelid surgery. Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. And I think this is the problems. Any surgery are dangerous. It couldn't be a common, or light things. Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. It is a sad phenomenon.
I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects. If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. We should be learn this part before to be a adult. Excessive surgery should be avoided. Natural is the best.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there, Eun Chae!
Thank you for accomplishing this writing activity.  Keep on practicing English because every day you learn new vocabulary and patterns.  It's better you do something to improve instead of delaying the results. ^^

~T. Maine


I don't prefer the cosmetic surgery. 
>>I don't prefer cosmetic surgery. 
But I also tried the cosmetic surgery.
>> But I also tried doing it. 
I tried double eyelid surgery. 
>>Correct. 
>>Or: I had double eyelid surgery. 
Nowadays the double eyelid surgery is common thing. 
>> Nowadays, this kind of surgery is very common among Koreans. 

And I think this is the problems. 
>> And I think this is a problem. 

Any surgery are dangerous. 
>>All surgeries are dangerous. 

It couldn't be a common, or light things. 
>> It couldn't be considered a common thing or something normal. 

Young people are want to try cosmetic surgery to be make a beautiful face, body. 
>> Young people want to try cosmetic surgery to have a beautiful face and body. 

It is a sad phenomenon.
>>Correct. 

I think they watched beautiful stars on TV shows, or on Youtube.
>> I think they watched a lot of beautiful stars on TV shows or on YouTube. 
>>OR: They might be influenced by entertainers online or through media. 

Also It would be a disadvantages of media.
>> It is also the disadvantage of media. 

Cosmetic surgery has a serious side effects.
>> Cosmetic surgery has many serious side effects. 

 If it comes, they would be lose
their face and never turn back. 
>> It it happens, they might lose their face and never turn back. 

We should be learn this part before to be a adult.
>>We should learn this part beforehand to become a matured person. 

 Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Excessive surgery should be avoided.
>> Or: Surgery is meant for people who had serious accident effects on their body. 

 Natural is the best.
>> Correct. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122310 Homework Á¤*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 3013
122309 How My Parents Maintain a Good Health ±è*¿í ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 992
122308 Do you think it¡¯s necessary to preserve traditions? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2215
122307 Some topics I avoid when I talk with someone for the first time ¾È*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 3387
122306 What was one idea you learned from the drama Narco Saints? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2
122305 9/13 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 2115
122304 what do you think of a career in the army? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-14 1984
122303 Book ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1590
122302 9/13 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2015
122301 Homework ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2057
122300 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1772
122299 What do you want to do next year? Why? ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 4
122298 What do you like most about celebrating Cheusok? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2194
122297 What are the good and bad things about traveling? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1959
122296 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2
122295 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1646
122294 How to stop fake news. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2214
122293 What are you looking forward to most this coming holiday? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 2239
122292 Social media is very easy to be addicted ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 0
122291 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-09-13 1656

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04