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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Homework

작성자: 김*우
2022-11-01 2526

회원님의 영작문

Hello.
I wonder if the electricity of your house were fixed.
I also have an experience of that; No electricity, No light, and storm.
It was around ten years ago, and I was working in the public clinic of small island.
Suddenly, there was a strong typhoon.
Thus, No one could take a ship and leave the island.
The most problem was that there was a pregnant woman who would give a birth soon.
In addition, she had a diarrhea and stomach pain.
Hence, I called my friend who is an OBGY doctor, and said "if this woman is about to delivery, you have to help me with your voice."
Actually, she was not close to me at that time, but I had no choice.
Fortunately, after fluid therapy, she got better.
And next morning, that woman and I took a chopper, and went to the land.
After that...
I'll let you know more story next class.
Some of employees complain about low salary, non-systemic education, high work loading, and other employees.
Maybe, I can improve many of them after moving the clinic.
See you.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good afternoon, Dr. Kim!

I thought that your story of the pregnant lady was more interesting than that of the complaints of your employees. I wonder if it were a boy or a girl she gave birth with. You were the hero in this story! Then, tell me what happened next in class tomorrow. You are an amazing storyteller. 

Every year, there are around 20 or more typhoons in our country. The strongest ones in the last 10 years happen at the end of October or the beginning of November. It never missed this year. We really prepare for food, supplies like candles, and clean water for this big typhoon. We are relatively fine but it can cause damages to some parts of our house as well as to our work and electricity. It can be scary but we have to stay vigilant during these times. Threrefore, I do not sleep deeply to be aware of any further danger brought by the typhoon.

Anyway, the complaints from your own employees in your clinic can be a lot lately. I fondly hope that your transfer to another location can alleviate to your existing problems. Before your movement, stay patient and just keep pushing! Fighting!

As I was curious and captivated by your writing about the infanticipating lady, your writing style has so many variations; your expressions and vocabulary are rich; your ideas are clearly stated; and finally, your grammar improved so much. You have done an excellent job on this task even if your answer to my question was short and your understanding was the opposite to what I meant. ^^

See you again!

-T. Donna~

Hello.
>> Correct!

I wonder if the electricity of your house were fixed.
>> I wonder if the electricity of your house was fixed. 

I also have an experience of that; No electricity, No light, and storm.
>> I also have an experience of that; no electricity, no light, and a storm.

It was around ten years ago, and I was working in the public clinic of small island.
>> It was around ten years ago, and I was working in the public clinic of a small island.

Suddenly, there was a strong typhoon.
>> Correct

Thus, No one could take a ship and leave the island.
>> Thus, no one could take a ship and leave the island.

The most problem was that there was a pregnant woman who would give a birth soon.
>> The worst problem was that there was a pregnant woman who would give birth soon.

In addition, she had a diarrhea and stomach pain.
>> Correct

Hence, I called my friend who is an OBGY doctor, and said "if this woman is about to delivery, you have to help me with your voice."
>> Hence, I called my friend who is an OBGY doctor, and said, "If this woman is about to deliver, you have to help me with your voice."

Actually, she was not close to me at that time, but I had no choice.
>> Correct

Fortunately, after fluid therapy, she got better.
>> Correct

And next morning, that woman and I took a chopper, and went to the land.
>> Correct

After that...
>> Correct

I'll let you know more story next class.
>> I'll let you know more of the story on the next class.

Some of employees complain about low salary, non-systemic education, high work loading, and other employees.
>> Correct

Maybe, I can improve many of them after moving the clinic.
>> Correct

See you.
>> Correct

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