¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things that a person needs to do in order t

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-11-30 2183

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight. You can get a cancer easily and will die too. If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice explanation, Elic. However, I noticed that your included some extra articles such as ¡®a¡¯ or ¡®that¡¯, that are somewhat misplaced. Try to review my corrections here just like the first one, I included ¡°that come with¡± because you need to explain the consequences of being overweight. So as the other items. Please take note of my corrections so you can apply them in future homework. 


Teacher Raven :)



Well, I guess there are many things that being overweight.

>> Well, I guess there are many things that come with being overweight.

You can get a cancer easily and will die too.

>> You can get cancer and have shorter lifespan.

If you want to lose your weight, The motivation that you must have is in order to do that.

>> If you want to lose weight, the motivation that you much have is how to avoid have such illnesses.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122921 Lost ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 1
122920 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 3157
122919 The factor that makes travel interesting is- ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2838
122918 Many countries are facing the problem of an \"aging... ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 3585
122917 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 0
122916 Do you think that it is a good idea to stereotype people? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 3308
122915 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2365
122914 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 1
122913 What is the most important memory in your life? Why is this the... ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 1
122912 Do you think bullying should be made a crime or is it part of... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2668
122911 Do you agree that expanded programs should be granted by the... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2423
122910 Homework ³ë*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 1
122909 apple À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 1679
122908 10/11 HOMEWORK ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2280
122907 How much sports do you do at school? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 0
122906 english speech contest script ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-11 2
122905 Is giving free fruits and vegetables common in Korea? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-10 0
122904 Social media ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-10 2
122903 travel ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-10 3133
122902 10.10.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-10 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04