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What do you think are the challenges that married career women face in your country these days? Do m

작성자: 황*하
2022-12-13 1065

회원님의 영작문

Men thought that they were superior than women in most aspects. It is true that acent countries were ruled by men and they didn't allow women to be a leader due to the religious issues and social values about women. Discrimination between men and women is gradully improved but there are still a lot of issues about women's treatment. Especially, women would like to achieve their goals by doing meaningful tasks. They are actively paticipating social activities and working hard like men but they encounter difficulties, if they have a baby. Although, Korea has become one of the advanced countries, there are few policies for women. First of all, parents always feel sorry for their children because there are few nurseries which are operated late evening because couples can't live, if one of them doen't have a job due to the expensive price. Second, there is a maternity leaves for mothers, many women hasitate to use it because most companies don't admit their career during their leaves perio

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

Men thought that they were superior than women in most aspects. 
>> CORRECT! 
It is true that acent countries were ruled by men and they didn't allow women to be a leader due to the religious issues and social values about women. 
>> It is true that ancient countries were ruled by men and they didn't allow women to be a leader due to the religious issues and social values about women. 
Discrimination between men and women is gradully improved but there are still a lot of issues about women's treatment. 
>> Discrimination between men and women is gradually being eliminated but there are still a lot of issues about women's treatment. 
Especially, women would like to achieve their goals by doing meaningful tasks. 
>> CORRECT! 
They are actively paticipating social activities and working hard like men but they encounter difficulties, if they have a baby. 
>> They are actively participating in social activities and working hard like men but they encounter difficulties, if they have a baby. 
Although, Korea has become one of the advanced countries, there are few policies for women. 
>> CORRECT! 
First of all, parents always feel sorry for their children because there are few nurseries which are operated late evening because couples can't live, if one of them doen't have a job due to the expensive price. 
>> First of all, parents always feel sorry for their children because there are few nurseries which are operated late in the evening because couples can't live, if one of them doesn't have a job due to the expensive price. 
Second, there is a maternity leaves for mothers, many women hasitate to use it because most companies don't admit their career during their leaves perio
>> Second, since there is a maternity leave for mothers; many women hesitate to use it because most companies don't admit their career during their leave periods.

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