¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

\"Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2022-12-27 1381

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I suppose it means happiness is not only from money. The quote says happiness is from not only money but also the joy of achievement, and the thrill of creative effort. I think Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to say to people that they don't have to find their happiness in their money and they can find their own happiness in small things like the thrill of creative effort or the joy of achievement.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your second edited composition this week, Chloe!
As always, please check the corrections and alternative sentences. 

Cheers,
Jean~~


                "Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort."

I suppose it means happiness is not only from money. 
>> OR: To my mind, it can be interpreted money is not the only source of happiness. 

The quote says happiness is from not only money but also the joy of achievement, and the thrill of creative effort.
>> OR: The line from the quote states that happiness does not only come from money but also the pleasure arising from one's personal achievement. 

 I think Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to say to people that they don't have to find their happiness in their money and they can find their own happiness in small things like the thrill of creative effort or the joy of achievement.
>> OR: I guess FDR wanted to express to people that money is not equivalent to happiness, instead, they can do the things they love and pursue the greatness that they believe they are capable of and get some happiness from their success. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123230 26.10.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-27 3
123229 Which hobbies are the most popular with women in your country?... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 1729
123228 laugh ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2553
123227 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 3098
123226 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 4323
123225 Homwork ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2394
123224 . ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2564
123223 Do you have a favorite room in your home? Which room do you like... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2216
123222 The best way to avoid getting sick is.. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2438
123221 apart from ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 1
123220 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2
123219 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 0
123218 Use these words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 1754
123217 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 0
123216 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 3039
123215 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 1
123214 When do you need your family most? ½Å*°ü ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 6
123213 What first impression do other people tell about you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2
123212 homework ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 2151
123211 10.25.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-26 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04