¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What did you do with your first salary? What were the things you bought? Did you give it to someone?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-12-30 935

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop. Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary. But sometimes, I used to do it. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice work, Elic! Thank you for your efforts in this homework. First of all, I just want to greet you a happy new year! You have been so amazing this year! Pat yourself on the back because you've made it and you worked hard in 2022. Please review the corrections I have placed here. All are very simple corrections, just some alternative sentences which makes the sentences have complete thoughts. Thank you once again for your efforts in making your homework every day! Keep it up!

- Teacher Raven 

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop.
>> Well, if I remember correctly, I bought a new smart phone and some electronic devices like wireless earphones and a laptop with my first salary.
Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary.
>> Also, I didn't give some of my salary to my parents.
But sometimes, I used to do it.
>> But I do it sometimes.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124071 The difference of Seoul and countryside ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124070 Where is the best place to shop in your city? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 0
124069 Do you think you should tell your secret passcodes to people you... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-09 1510
124068 8.Dec.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124067 obesity in Korea ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2112
124066 Which is more powerful between feelings of love and feelings of... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 1842
124065 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 3
124064 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 1724
124063 HOMEWORK: Why are goals important? Is having a goal in life... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124062 HOMEWORK: Some people think that facing challenges improves a... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124061 HOMEWORK: If you want to learn a foreign language which would be... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124060 HOMEWORK: It is sometimes suggested that certain ideas can only... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124059 My favorite musicians. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 1890
124058 Homework (12/08) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 6
124057 i like meet many people. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124056 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 0
124055 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2085
124054 clean ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2
124053 How often do you take a taxi? What type of transportation do you... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 1661
124052 Do you enjoy learning how to use new technology? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-08 2712

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04