¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What did you do with your first salary? What were the things you bought? Did you give it to someone?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-12-30 1021

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop. Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary. But sometimes, I used to do it. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice work, Elic! Thank you for your efforts in this homework. First of all, I just want to greet you a happy new year! You have been so amazing this year! Pat yourself on the back because you've made it and you worked hard in 2022. Please review the corrections I have placed here. All are very simple corrections, just some alternative sentences which makes the sentences have complete thoughts. Thank you once again for your efforts in making your homework every day! Keep it up!

- Teacher Raven 

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop.
>> Well, if I remember correctly, I bought a new smart phone and some electronic devices like wireless earphones and a laptop with my first salary.
Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary.
>> Also, I didn't give some of my salary to my parents.
But sometimes, I used to do it.
>> But I do it sometimes.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123731 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2
123730 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 1960
123729 Some people feel the education style of schools damages... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2361
123728 job interview ±è*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 1
123727 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 1607
123726 My childhood memories ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2
123725 What is your opinion about teen freedom? To what extent should... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2330
123724 Day off ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2
123723 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 0
123722 homework ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2175
123721 Does your country provide a good public school system? Why do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2268
123720 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 1749
123719 Lifespans are getting longer. How long do you expect your... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2838
123718 Do you agree that age is just a number? ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2335
123717 Is Christmas a religious day for you? If so, what kind of... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2060
123716 Some famous artists have used alcohol while working. Do you... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2075
123715 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 1
123714 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2507
123713 How important is freedom of the press? Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2358
123712 Who is your favorite and least favorite Disney character? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-22 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04