¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What did you do with your first salary? What were the things you bought? Did you give it to someone?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ½Å*¼·
2022-12-30 1077

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop. Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary. But sometimes, I used to do it. :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Nice work, Elic! Thank you for your efforts in this homework. First of all, I just want to greet you a happy new year! You have been so amazing this year! Pat yourself on the back because you've made it and you worked hard in 2022. Please review the corrections I have placed here. All are very simple corrections, just some alternative sentences which makes the sentences have complete thoughts. Thank you once again for your efforts in making your homework every day! Keep it up!

- Teacher Raven 

Well, as I remember it, the things that I received a first salary to change my smart phone and electronic device like an wireless earphones and laptop.
>> Well, if I remember correctly, I bought a new smart phone and some electronic devices like wireless earphones and a laptop with my first salary.
Also, I didn't give my money to my parents before I got a salary.
>> Also, I didn't give some of my salary to my parents.
But sometimes, I used to do it.
>> But I do it sometimes.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123491 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2916
123490 If you are at home and alone, are you more likely to think there... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2203
123489 Who is the most controversial personality in your country? Why? ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2145
123488 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2608
123487 Role model ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 1
123486 Does violence on television make young people more violent? What... È«*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 1
123485 What do I like,what do I dislike in my home ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 5
123484 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 0
123483 What was the most dangerous thing that you have done? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2558
123482 made ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 1
123481 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2193
123480 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ÁøÇàÁß 2022-11-09 1631
123479 Why do you think people are so fascinated with aliens? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 3176
123478 Have you ever been to a family reunion? How was it? ½Å*°ü ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2
123477 Have you ever been to a family reunion? How was it? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2524
123476 Have you ever dealt with an emergency? Describe it. Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2433
123475 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2
123474 Would people be in a better financial situation without credit... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 3054
123473 Homework. ³ë*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 2
123472 subway system in my country ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-09 3475

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04