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영작교정 게시판

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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Have you ever experienced being harassed or have ever been a victim of violence at work? How did you

작성자: 황*하
2023-01-03 1323

회원님의 영작문

I got a job in my 30s. It was lucky to have a job at that time because a girl who has worked as a tempory position for 2 years in my department suddenly decided to quit a job for personal reason so, I was the one who could take an entrance exam for my hospital although, my score at the university didn't meet the guideline that the hospital requested. I could enter the work without any competitors because they wanted to hire a staff quickly. It was my first day of work, nobody welcomed my first day because most people wanted to work with previous staff who worked before. Most staffs didn't say hello to me in the morning, they just ignored even though, I went around for saying hello to every person. It was group bullying so I had really hard time for about a year. I didn't know why people acted like that but as time go by, one of my colleagues explained the reason for bullying. I couldn't understand about their actions but I have a good relationship with them now after having a hard time

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good morning Hwang!
Thank you for taking time in giving an answer to your homework. I couldn't help to feel sorry when I read your story, but I admire how you endure in your department. Now my question is, how do you treat new employees in your department? Do you also treat them the way you were treated in the past, or you do not want to make them feel what you experienced?
Enjoy the day!
Aki~
I got a job in my 30s.
>>> CORRECT!
It was lucky to have a job at that time because a girl who has worked as a tempory position for 2 years in my department suddenly decided to quit a job for personal reason 
>>> It was lucky to have a job at that time because a girl who has worked in a temporary position for 2 years in my department suddenly decided to quit her job for personal reasons.
So, I was the one who could take an entrance exam for my hospital although, my score at the university didn't meet the guideline that the hospital requested.
>>> CORRECT!
I could enter the work without any competitors because they wanted to hire a staff quickly.
>>> I could enter the work without any competitors because they wanted to hire additional staff quickly.
It was my first day of work, nobody welcomed my first day because most people wanted to work with previous staff who worked before. 
>>> It was my first day of work, and nobody welcomed me on the first day because most people wanted to work with previous staff who worked before. 
Most staffs didn't say hello to me in the morning, they just ignored even though, I went around for saying hello to every person. 
>>> Most staff didn't say hello to me in the morning, they just ignored me even though, I went around for saying hello to every person. 
It was group bullying so I had really hard time for about a year. 
>>> It was group bullying so I had a really hard time for about a year.
I didn't know why people acted like that but as time go by, one of my colleagues explained the reason for bullying.
>>> CORRECT!
I couldn't understand about their actions but I have a good relationship with them now after having a hard time.
>>> CORRECT!

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