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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Bird Beak!

작성자: 김*율
2023-01-04 1245

회원님의 영작문

This a new story of an ancient era's birds.

Beaks, Beaks, Go Away, No, No, No, Come Back! : In a very very VERY old temple, that was built 4920 thousand years ago, the King Bird and the Queen Bird was giving the crown to his dazzling daughter and his outstanding son. They were now 13 and were getting the bird crown made of fern. the Queen Bird and the King Bird will fly away and soon Queen Moonbow, the princess and king Sunbeam, the prince, will lead the temple. Sunbeam and Moonbow waited for their royal gift to arrive at the temple's roof nest. At that time, they had mouths, not beaks. They never wanted a beak. It was too hard and pointy. They leaned over to see the gift and they fell in. After a minute, they came out crying with a beak instead of a mouth. Everyone they eye contacted with turned thier mouths into beaks. Soon, every bird was having beaks. In forlorn, they adapted to the beaks and grew happy again. They could do much more things! That's why birds have beaks nowdays.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Heather! Thank you for the time you spent making a story about the bird's beak. I had fun reading it. We can talk more about it in class. I will see you.~ T. Lyn
Beaks, Beaks, Go Away, No, No, No, Come Back! : 
>>Title: "Beaks, Beaks, Go Away, No, No, No, Come Back!"
In a very very VERY old temple, that was built 4920 thousand years ago, the King Bird and the Queen Bird was giving the crown to his dazzling daughter and his outstanding son. 
>>In a very, very, very old temple build 4.92 million years ago, the King Bird and Queen Bird were giving crowns to a brilliant daughter and a brilliant son.
They were now 13 and were getting the bird crown made of fern. 
>>They were now 13 years old receiving new crowns made of fern.
the Queen Bird and the King Bird will fly away and soon Queen Moonbow, the princess and king Sunbeam, the prince, will lead the temple. 
>>The Queen Bird and King Bird will fly away, and soon Princess Moonbow and Prince Sunbeam will lead the temple.
Sunbeam and Moonbow waited for their royal gift to arrive at the temple's roof nest.
>>Sunbeam and Moonbow awaited the arrival of the royal gift to the roof nest of the temple.
At that time, they had mouths, not beaks. 
>>Correct.
They never wanted a beak. 
>>Correct.
It was too hard and pointy. 
>>The beak was too hard and pointed.
They leaned over to see the gift and they fell in. 
>>They leaned over to see the gift and fell into it.
After a minute, they came out crying with a beak instead of a mouth.
>>After a while, they came out crying with their beaks instead of mouths.
Everyone they eye contacted with turned thier mouths into beaks.
>>Everyone makes eye contact the mouth that turn into the beak.
Soon, every bird was having beaks. 
>>Soon, all birds will have beaks.
In forlorn, they adapted to the beaks and grew happy again. 
>>In their desolation, they adapted to their beaks and were happy again.
They could do much more things! 
>>They can do so much more with their beaks.
That's why birds have beaks nowdays.
>>That's why birds have beaks today.
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