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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Is this kind of tracking the best way to deal with the virus?

작성자: 김*경
2023-01-06 1391

회원님의 영작문

Come to think of it, contact tracking policy seemed to be taken to minimize the area health government would control or even shut down for the virus not to spread anymore. So I think it was appropriate and timely so that it could contribute to controlling COVID-19 effectively at an early stage of the COVID-19 pandemic. However, some people including pundits criticized it could infringe on privacy which is protected by law. This argument still goes on. Now, no more contact tracking of COVID-19 patients as the number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 is decreasing.

Our government may be comforting itself that it was a necessary evil to do this controvercial contact tracking. However, the government has to make clear principles before it’s too late because the government’s administration should be based on principles and laws. Our government shouldn’t bumble anymore, triggering social arguments whenever something unexpected, such as a pandemic happens beyond our control.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Steve. 
T. Irene 
Come to think of it, contact tracking policy seemed to be taken to minimize the area health government would control or even shut down for the virus not to spread anymore. 
>>> Come to think of it, the contact tracing policy was undertaken to minimize the area that the government's health agency shut down or close down to control and stop the spread of the virus. 
So I think it was appropriate and timely so that it could contribute to controlling COVID-19 effectively at an early stage of the COVID-19 pandemic. 
>>> So I think it was undertaken appropriately and timely so that it could contribute to controlling COVID-19 effectively at the early stage of the pandemic. 
However, some people including pundits, criticized it could infringe on privacy which is protected by law. 
>>> Correct.
This argument still goes on. 
>>> Correct.
Now, no more contact tracking of COVID-19 patients as the number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 is decreasing.
>>> Now, there's no more contact tracking of COVID-19 patients as the number of confirmed cases of COVID-19 is decreasing.
Our government may be comforting itself that it was a necessary evil to do this controversial contact tracking. 
>>> Correct.
However, the government has to make clear principles before it’s too late because the government’s administration should be based on principles and laws. 
>>> Correct.
Our government shouldn’t bumble anymore, triggering social arguments whenever something unexpected, such as a pandemic happens beyond our control.
>>> Correct.



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