¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care these days.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-12 2352

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty. So women have been spend much money on beauty. Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones. So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. These days men are getting interesting on beauty. Because they want to look good too. standard of beauty about men is changing. Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them. Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! Thank you for answering your essay! ^^ Keep up the good work! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty.
>>> In the past there were strict rules about women's beauty.
 So women have been spend much money on beauty. 
>>>  So women have been spending much money on beauty.
Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
>>> Through many centuries a lot of beauty products have been invented so there are various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones.
>>> People wear makeup to look good or to fit in society's beauty standard or try to hide not good ones.
 So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. 
>>>  So as time goes by, still many women spend money on beauty products. 
These days men are getting interesting on beauty. 
>>> These days men are getting interesting on beauty products as well. 
Because they want to look good too. 
>>> CORRECT
standard of beauty about men is changing. 
>>> The standard of looks among men is changing. 
Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them.
>>> Doing beauty care is another way for men to express themselves.
 Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. 
>>> Therefore the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they express themselves. 
These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
>>> These things can make everyone be satisfied of themselves and they can find a new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can profit a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124823 Do you worry about your old age? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1208
124822 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 0
124821 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1153
124820 Future ±è*¼ø ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124819 How do you feel about South Korea becoming a super-aged society... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1258
124818 ESSAY: Nowadays both men and women spend much money on beauty... È«*±â ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1141
124817 My homework Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1642
124816 What is your all-time favorite movie? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1337
124815 Why do people greet each other? ±è*½½ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1323
124814 Will computers become smarter than humans one day? Is this a bad... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1136
124813 What is the right age to introduce gadgets to children? Why? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 925
124812 123 ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1413
124811 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 2248
124810 Volunteer ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124809 Should there be individual privacy for family members at home? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1168
124808 Do you agree that the first impression lasts? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1242
124807 Car that is bestselling in our country ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1229
124806 1/12 °í*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124805 My best weekend is go to swim. ¿À*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 1
124804 11.Jan.2023 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-12 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04