¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care these days.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-12 2120

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty. So women have been spend much money on beauty. Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones. So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. These days men are getting interesting on beauty. Because they want to look good too. standard of beauty about men is changing. Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them. Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! Thank you for answering your essay! ^^ Keep up the good work! 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
In the past there was a strict rules about women beauty.
>>> In the past there were strict rules about women's beauty.
 So women have been spend much money on beauty. 
>>>  So women have been spending much money on beauty.
Through many century a lot of beauty products invented so there was various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
>>> Through many centuries a lot of beauty products have been invented so there are various beauty products and people spent more money on it. 
People do makeup to look good or to fit in people beauty or try to hide not good ones.
>>> People wear makeup to look good or to fit in society's beauty standard or try to hide not good ones.
 So even though time past still many women spend money on beauty products. 
>>>  So as time goes by, still many women spend money on beauty products. 
These days men are getting interesting on beauty. 
>>> These days men are getting interesting on beauty products as well. 
Because they want to look good too. 
>>> CORRECT
standard of beauty about men is changing. 
>>> The standard of looks among men is changing. 
Doing beauty care is the another way men expressing them.
>>> Doing beauty care is another way for men to express themselves.
 Therefor the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they expressing them selves. 
>>> Therefore the reason why both men and women spend much money on beauty care is they want to look good and that's how they express themselves. 
These things can bring everyone will be satisfiy themselves and they can find new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can bring a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
>>> These things can make everyone be satisfied of themselves and they can find a new part of them, and beauty care market will grow and grow so it can profit a lot of money so everyone can be rich.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126241 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1
126240 What was the most painful procedure you went through at a dental... ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 2
126239 What factors influence a career choice ÀÌ*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 3
126238 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1
126237 Describe an important gift you have, tell us why it is important. ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1514
126236 My first English diary ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1016
126235 Talk about travel ±Ç*ÀÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 1
126234 1. smart 2. rich ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-06 0
126233 How should the younger generation of workers have a better... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 2
126232 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 997
126231 4. Homework- Which one? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1305
126230 How important is keeping old files? ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1071
126229 2. Homework - May I take your order? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1352
126228 Describe an important gift you have, tell us why it is important. ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1179
126227 The voice phishing ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1
126226 2. Homework- Conversation Protocol °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1146
126225 Where did you go for your last vacation? °û*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1421
126224 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1416
126223 If I had a few time a day~~ ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 1196
126222 Most recent case that has changed my life ±¸*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-05 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04