¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2023-01-15 928

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Hello, T.Donna.
Are you enjoying this weekend?
Yesterday, a lot of things happened.
Before Saturday work, I asked all staffs if someone want to be stay here instead of moving together.
Fortunately, no one told me about it.
However, after the work, 4 staffs came to me and they told me that they want to stay in this clinic.
Thus, I was so upset.
Meanwhile, we had a meeting with other doctors who joined our Franchise in the evening.
Actually, we were worried about one of Franchise clinic, because the clinic didn't show the development in the point of income for a long time.
But, we found that the clinic had an outstanding increase of income.
That's why we celebrated the clinic and the doctor who are working in that clinic.
We also talked about the plan to extend our Franchise and educational business.
I think I will change too much this year, of course positive way.
About my homework, glabella filler is the most difficult procedure.
Because the side effect is loss of vision.
See you.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening, Dr. Kim!

Yes, I enjoyed my busy weekend. While I am checking this essay, I am watching a championship game of my favorite basketball team in the professional league. I love sports especially now that my team is winning! Anyway, your clinic has some issues again. Some of the not so good ones are manageable while the good news really calls for a celebration.

Naturally, some staff cannot really decide at an instant. After they thought about your question, they decided and told you eventually that they want to stay in your old clinic. Then, if you were in their shoes, you might understand that some people are not capable of quick changes. 

Congratulations to one of your franchise! They might have some practices that you can also apply to your new clinic when you move there. A good income means a great team work and satisfied patients or clients.

Then, continue the training and education of your staff. The more skillful they become, the better they can serve your patients. You will definitely undergo a lot changes this year and they are all for the best for your profession and your company.

Below, my common grammar suggestions are about the proper use of 'the', diction (the proper choice of words), and the use of pronouns so that you will not be redundant n your sentences. Overall, your ideas are very well organized and your message is so clear. Excellent job!

See you in the morning.

-T. Donna~

Hello, T.Donna.
>> Correct!

Are you enjoying this weekend?
>> Correct!

Yesterday, a lot of things happened.
>> Correct!

Before Saturday work, I asked all staffs if someone want to be stay here instead of moving together.
>> Before Saturday work, I asked all staff if someone wants to stay here instead of moving together.

Fortunately, no one told me about it.
>> Fortunately, no one told me that she wants to leave.

However, after the work, 4 staffs came to me and they told me that they want to stay in this clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: staff

Thus, I was so upset.
>> Correct!

Meanwhile, we had a meeting with other doctors who joined our Franchise in the evening.
>> Meanwhile, we had a meeting with the other doctors who joined our franchise in the evening.

Actually, we were worried about one of Franchise clinic, because the clinic didn't show the development in the point of income for a long time.
>> Actually, we were worried about one of the franchise clinicbecause it didn't show development in the point of income for a long time.

But, we found that the clinic had an outstanding increase of income.
>> Correct!

That's why we celebrated the clinic and the doctor who are working in that clinic.
>> Correct!
Or: That's why we celebrated the success of the clinic and the doctors who work there.

We also talked about the plan to extend our Franchise and educational business.
>> Correct!

I think I will change too much this year, of course positive way.
>> I think I will change too much this year, of course in a positive way.

About my homework, glabella filler is the most difficult procedure.
>> Correct!

Because the side effect is loss of vision.
>> Correct!

See you.
>> Correct!
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123974 How do sports players show respect after a game? Are there any... ±è*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1
123973 Which do you think is the best season for a vacation? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1763
123972 How does money make you happy? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1656
123971 What time of day is best for exercising? Why? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123970 12/2 homework À±*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1653
123969 If you were an actress, what publicity do you want? Share your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1910
123968 Some new sports are called \'extreme sports\'. What are some... ¾ç*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1660
123967 Ms.Lyn I told you I would like to write stories, not... ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1536
123966 Good at my jobs ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 2
123965 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1799
123964 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1852
123963 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1644
123962 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 1397
123961 Are you good at beating deadlines? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-04 3
123960 Apology and homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-03 2081
123959 Research about what \'lactose intolerant\' is ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-12-03 1332
123958 Complete the following sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-12-03 1913
123957 Homework (12/2) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-03 4
123956 What offers or requests shouldn¡¯t you refuse? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-03 1913
123955 In your opinion, what habits should you have to have a... ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-02 1924

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04