¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why and what can we do for people who are not active as the past

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-15 1590

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed. As the world developed our lives became so convenient. For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more.... We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation. These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! You are so diligent in answering your essay! Continue the motivation you have! Have a great week! :) 
~ TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed.
>>> The reason why people are not active as in the past is the world's development.
 As the world developed our lives became so convenient.
>>>  As the world develops our lives become so convenient.
 For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more....
>>>  For example we can have a lot of things to be delivered such as food, clothes, furniture and more.
 We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
>>>  We just sign up and pay through the internet for our orders.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation.
>>> It's very convenient even though they're not busy or they can't go to the place to order. 
 These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. 
>>>  This behavior usually comes from laziness and depressions.
So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. 
>>> So if they aren't in the situation where they can't go the place for some reasons, we should encourage them to go outside. 
Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
122954 Can you control your emotions well? How? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 6527
122953 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 0
122952 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2
122951 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 0
122950 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1
122949 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 0
122948 I am a sensitive person. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 3404
122947 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2552
122946 longer recess/ break time? Why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 3463
122945 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2993
122944 Hi Jhozel ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 3177
122943 What was the happiest time so far in your entire life? ÀÌ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1
122942 Help ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2
122941 Hi Jhozel ÀÌ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2583
122940 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1
122939 Is shopping a real hobby? ½Å*°ü ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2
122938 Can you call me my account canadacaleb@naver.com skype account? ±Ç*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 0
122937 banana À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2435
122936 What do you do on the weekends? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 1
122935 What was your favorite toy when you were a child? Who gave you... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-10-12 2046

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04