¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The reason why and what can we do for people who are not active as the past

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-15 1309

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed. As the world developed our lives became so convenient. For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more.... We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation. These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Sophia! You are so diligent in answering your essay! Continue the motivation you have! Have a great week! :) 
~ TEACHER GEMMA
The reason why people are not active as the past is the world developed.
>>> The reason why people are not active as in the past is the world's development.
 As the world developed our lives became so convenient.
>>>  As the world develops our lives become so convenient.
 For example we can delivered many things such as food,clothes,furniture and more....
>>>  For example we can have a lot of things to be delivered such as food, clothes, furniture and more.
 We just sign and pay in the internet we can delivered.
>>>  We just sign up and pay through the internet for our orders.
It's very convenient so even though their not busy or they can't go the place for the situation.
>>> It's very convenient even though they're not busy or they can't go to the place to order. 
 These behavior usually come from laziness, depression such like this. 
>>>  This behavior usually comes from laziness and depressions.
So if they aren't in the situation that they can't go the place for some reason, we should encourage to go outside. 
>>> So if they aren't in the situation where they can't go the place for some reasons, we should encourage them to go outside. 
Because if we go outside we can relax and refresh our minds.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
124919 Homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124918 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1160
124917 What can always put you in a better mood after a bad day? ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 2
124916 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1302
124915 What is your dream home? ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1406
124914 Where do you see yourself 5 to 10 years from now? What are your... ¼Û*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 2
124913 Answer : What would you do if you became the richest person on... Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1317
124912 The reson there is not difference in big city and small town. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124911 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124910 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124909 Monday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 2117
124908 Homework ¼Û*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124907 My Favorite Music ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1673
124906 According to the article, many working parents, especially... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1329
124905 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 0
124904 Write something interesting about your day. ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1484
124903 Asking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1
124902 license ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1407
124901 My favorite childhood memories that I remember ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1276
124900 What is your opinion about a four-day week? Àå*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2023-01-16 1115

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04