¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-17 1032

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed. In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined. And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people. If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
Therefor in my opinion I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sophia! I enjoy reading your essay! It can be fun to learn new things. We get the chance to take all of those thoughts and ideas swirling around our minds and transfer them creatively onto writing.  Keep it up!  
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed.
>>> Through many customs and traditions of behavior we are able to know how we are developed.
 In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. 
>>> CORRECT
So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined.
>>> So if we are not keeping many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will be ruined.
 And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to other countries' people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to foreigners. 
 If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
>>>  If people get interested in Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also, the number of tourists will also increase. 
Therefore in my opinion I disagree that many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123911 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 0
123910 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 2680
123909 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1779
123908 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1564
123907 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 2
123906 What themes have fascinated artists most through time? Why are... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1881
123905 Homework (11/25) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 2
123904 What are the bad sides of being overweight? What are the things... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1908
123903 Use the following words in sentences ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 2374
123902 Homework (11/30) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 6
123901 Airplanes are very important. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1518
123900 HOMEWORK: How much free time do you spend on the net? Would you... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1
123899 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1
123898 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 0
123897 Too much ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1
123896 Tipping culture in Korea ±è*½Ä ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1999
123895 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 0
123894 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1611
123893 Do you think South Korea should also start developing nuclear... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1895
123892 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-30 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04