¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-17 1451

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed. In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined. And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people. If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
Therefor in my opinion I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sophia! I enjoy reading your essay! It can be fun to learn new things. We get the chance to take all of those thoughts and ideas swirling around our minds and transfer them creatively onto writing.  Keep it up!  
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed.
>>> Through many customs and traditions of behavior we are able to know how we are developed.
 In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. 
>>> CORRECT
So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined.
>>> So if we are not keeping many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will be ruined.
 And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to other countries' people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to foreigners. 
 If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
>>>  If people get interested in Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also, the number of tourists will also increase. 
Therefore in my opinion I disagree that many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123767 I love cold noodles ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 2447
123766 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 0
123765 Usually on birthdays, we eat with people close to us. ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1780
123764 First of all, there are lots of seniors living alone. So, they... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1999
123763 How can we solve social problems with scientific and... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 2258
123762 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1
123761 Can you understand the desire to live a simpler life? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 2275
123760 I am happy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1
123759 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1651
123758 Describe an object you find particularly beautiful ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 2
123757 23.Nov.2022 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1
123756 What sort of activities can you do on the beach? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-24 1
123755 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 0
123754 How much do you know your neighbors? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 2124
123753 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 0
123752 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 3
123751 Homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 1998
123750 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 2477
123749 Does studying make you tired? Is it hard work? How can a student... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 2159
123748 Why do you think child abuse is an overlooked crime in some... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-23 2221

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04