¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼­
2023-01-17 1522

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed. In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined. And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people. If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
Therefor in my opinion I disagree that Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Sophia! I enjoy reading your essay! It can be fun to learn new things. We get the chance to take all of those thoughts and ideas swirling around our minds and transfer them creatively onto writing.  Keep it up!  
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
By Many customs and traditional ways of behavior we are able to know how we developed.
>>> Through many customs and traditions of behavior we are able to know how we are developed.
 In case of Korea, even though time passes Many customs and traditional ways of behavior is still in our lives. 
>>> CORRECT
So if we are not keeping Many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will ruined.
>>> So if we are not keeping many customs and traditional ways of behavior then our lives will be ruined.
 And keeping our own tradition can bring interest of other countries people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to other countries' people.
>>>  And keeping our own tradition can bring interest to foreigners. 
 If people getting interest about Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also people will increase who come to our country for travel.
>>>  If people get interested in Korea, our K-culture will go more viral it will bring huge money, also, the number of tourists will also increase. 
Therefore in my opinion I disagree that many customs and traditional ways of behavior are not worth keeping.
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
127981 What vegetables don\'t you like and why? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1676
127980 What is your before-bed routine? Is there something you need to... õ*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127979 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127978 What was the most memorable gift you received for Children\'s... ¾È*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 2
127977 What do you think of the Paralympic Games (which means... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 7
127976 We can do many thing to stop warming of Earth. ÀÌ*¿õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127975 What birthday traditions are unique to your culture? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 2454
127974 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 0
127973 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 0
127972 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 0
127971 Do you want to study English in another country? Where and why? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127970 Why do some students need to study in academies after school? ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 2055
127969 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1866
127968 Home work ±è*¶õ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127967 The benefits of traveling alone is know hwo am i À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1947
127966 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 2
127965 Write down answer for speaking task about \'My closest neighbor\' ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 4
127964 Homework ½Å*È­ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 2059
127963 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1
127962 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-05-03 1887

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04