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영작교정 게시판

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Do you agree that all children should take part in taking care of their parents until they become ol

작성자: 황*하
2023-01-25 1127

회원님의 영작문

People in my parents generation tended to rely on their first born daughter to take care of their children because it was really hard for them to bring up children without help from their daughter. They have lived under the really harsh environment because there had been Korea war, as a result, everything had crushed, most people lost their home, assets and family too. Parents needed to make money to feed their children, there weren't ways to make a lot of money with only their physical labor. Parents would like one of their children to be a successful person, especially, first son in their family and asked daughters to support men. We were under the confucianism which stress the importance of men's role. It affected all aspects in our country and it was the center of our spirit. It was common sense that men work for their famliy and women to do house chores and do small things to make money. It was almost impossible women to have a job even in 50 years ago. But women's right and statu

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Good day, Sir Hwang!
Thank you so much for taking time in answering the question. Your ideas and opinions are on point. Keep it up! :)
~ T. Camille

People in my parents generation tended to rely on their first born daughter to take care of their children because it was really hard for them to bring up children without help from their daughter.
>> CORRECT! 
They have lived under the really harsh environment because there had been Korea war, as a result, everything had crushed, most people lost their home, assets and family too. 
>> They have lived under the really harsh environment because there had been the Korean war; as a result, everything had crushed, most people lost their home, assets and family too. 
Parents needed to make money to feed their children, there weren't ways to make a lot of money with only their physical labor. 
>> CORRECT! 
Parents would like one of their children to be a successful person, especially, first son in their family and asked daughters to support men. 
>> CORRECT! 
We were under the confucianism which stress the importance of men's role. 
>> We were under the Confucianism which stress the importance of men's role. 
It affected all aspects in our country and it was the center of our spirit. 
>> CORRECT! 
It was common sense that men work for their famliy and women to do house chores and do small things to make money. 
>> It was common sense that men work for their family and women do house chores and do small things to make money. 
It was almost impossible women to have a job even in 50 years ago. 
>> It was almost impossible women to have a job even 50 years ago. 
But women's right and statu
>> But women's right and status have all changed as time went by.

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