¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

have women to training and I think that if korea\\\'s population decline , women have to go military

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2023-01-29 1552

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

south korea is country at war during 70 years.
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
men is strong better than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
men and women must protect they country .
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ari! Thank you for trying your best to answer your essay! Keep learning new words! Have a nice day. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
south korea is country at war during 70 years.
>>> South Korea was at war for 70 years. 
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
>>> The war isn't finish, so we have to protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
>>> South Korea used to be patriarchal a long time ago. (but it's changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
>>> So fathers should protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
>>> Men and women are different in physical strength. 
men is strong better than women.
>>> Men are stronger than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
>>> So men have to go to the military (some women could also join the military if they want.)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
>>> I think women don't have to go to the military now but they need to protect themselves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
>>> They have to be trained and I think if Korea's population decline, women have to go to the military too. 
men and women must protect they country .
>>> Men and women must protect their country.
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> People who go to the military receive more monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or receive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123996 Based on your experience as a student, how has doing homework... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-06 2543
123995 ¿µÀÛ Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-06 1513
123994 What is your opinion on Premonitions? Are they real? Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-12-06 1743
123993 How do you feel when a client cannot keep a deadline? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-12-06 1
123992 Why is gambling addictive? Why? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1682
123991 Do illegal immigrants commit a lot of crimes? Why or why not? ±¸*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1763
123990 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1882
123989 HOMEWORK: Make a sentence for each of the words: 1. ourselves 2.... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1
123988 Homework~~ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1980
123987 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1787
123986 What computer games do you think is popular among people your... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1453
123985 Homework (12/05) ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 4
123984 homework ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1466
123983 Make a story about soccer games. ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1563
123982 Besides Christmas, there are other special days around the end... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1754
123981 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 3
123980 relationship ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1
123979 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123978 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 0
123977 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-12-05 1833

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04