¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

have women to training and I think that if korea\\\'s population decline , women have to go military

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2023-01-29 1613

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

south korea is country at war during 70 years.
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
men is strong better than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
men and women must protect they country .
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ari! Thank you for trying your best to answer your essay! Keep learning new words! Have a nice day. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
south korea is country at war during 70 years.
>>> South Korea was at war for 70 years. 
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
>>> The war isn't finish, so we have to protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
>>> South Korea used to be patriarchal a long time ago. (but it's changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
>>> So fathers should protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
>>> Men and women are different in physical strength. 
men is strong better than women.
>>> Men are stronger than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
>>> So men have to go to the military (some women could also join the military if they want.)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
>>> I think women don't have to go to the military now but they need to protect themselves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
>>> They have to be trained and I think if Korea's population decline, women have to go to the military too. 
men and women must protect they country .
>>> Men and women must protect their country.
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> People who go to the military receive more monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or receive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
123663 What are three good things about America in your opinion? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2847
123662 What is your opinion about the banning of standing passengers on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2782
123661 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2261
123660 I think the appropriate punishment for cyber-bullying ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 3042
123659 Do you think donating blood should be well-paid or always be... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 3075
123658 What kind of food do you like? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 2058
123657 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 1
123656 BUS ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 1984
123655 the result should be used so that it is not mistaken for the... ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 3109
123654 What pleasant surprise did you notice today? ÀÓ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 0
123653 Why are there so many cafes in your country? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-11-18 0
123652 Do you think it¡¯s easy or difficult to find time to exercise... Àü*ä ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 3303
123651 Is it a good idea for Minister Lee Sang-min to step down from... ±è*¹® ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 2977
123650 Will you spend your leave or convert it into money? Share your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 2477
123649 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 2549
123648 Homework ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 2240
123647 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 3
123646 What is a white lie? Do you think it\'s good or bad? ±è*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 3601
123645 I enjoy my school life. ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 2140
123644 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-11-17 1973

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04