¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

have women to training and I think that if korea\\\'s population decline , women have to go military

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¼ö
2023-01-29 1391

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

south korea is country at war during 70 years.
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
men is strong better than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
men and women must protect they country .
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi there Ari! Thank you for trying your best to answer your essay! Keep learning new words! Have a nice day. 
>>> TEACHER GEMMA
south korea is country at war during 70 years.
>>> South Korea was at war for 70 years. 
War isn\'t finsh, so we protect our country.
>>> The war isn't finish, so we have to protect our country.
south korea was partricarchal from a long time ago. (but be changing more changing now.)
>>> South Korea used to be patriarchal a long time ago. (but it's changing now.)
so men was protect his family and country.
>>> So fathers should protect his family and country.
men and women is different physical structure and power.
>>> Men and women are different in physical strength. 
men is strong better than women.
>>> Men are stronger than women.
so men go to military (some woman go to military who want it)
>>> So men have to go to the military (some women could also join the military if they want.)
I think that women don\'t have to go military now but they need to protect them selves.
>>> I think women don't have to go to the military now but they need to protect themselves.
they have to training and I think that if korea\'s population decline , women have to go military.
another way
>>> They have to be trained and I think if Korea's population decline, women have to go to the military too. 
men and women must protect they country .
>>> Men and women must protect their country.
pay money or go to military (person who go military receive more a monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or recive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> People who go to the military receive more monthly salary.
ex) pay 1.000$ or receive 2.000$ (monthly salary) for 2 years
>>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
126344 Hate thing when I get home Áö*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1344
126343 Hw ÃÖ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1139
126342 How many hours can you really work efficiently and effectively?... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1
126341 I want to learn English to¡¦ ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1589
126340 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1
126339 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 2
126338 What do you consider to be the most valuable item you own? ¹Ú*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1106
126337 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY: DIRECTION: Write the simple past of the... ¾Ù* ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 2
126336 Homework ¿¡*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1
126335 Wednesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1330
126334 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 0
126333 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1
126332 Writing task ¾È*Çü ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1214
126331 my nomal life is make me smile À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1296
126330 3.8 homework ±Ç*¸² ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1559
126329 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 2
126328 Homework È«*¼± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 5
126327 Write a story about your favorite person in the world. Answer in... ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1266
126326 Homework ¿À*ºó ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1
126325 3/8 homework ÃÖ*º½ ¿Ï·á 2023-03-08 1257

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04